I’m Losing Weight Bitches

I've been going to Weight Watchers since April and I'm losing weight, albeit slowly at times. I feel good about my� choices. I'm making small, yet livable sacrifices to lose weight and now I just want to show this blog a new weight. It's coming! I'm hoping by the end of summer.

I've also been taking thyroid hormone replacements consistently for a month and a half and while I'm not sure if these aid weight loss I am noticing that my weight is not piling on as fast as it used to. My whole life, while I do have binge eating disorder, it has always seemed that my body puts on weight and holds onto it more eagerly. Just looking at food would make me gain weight.�And now, it's easier not to gain. Who knows what it is, but I welcome it.

And this blog. Lord, I have a back log of photos to share, mostly food. There are days when I eat very lightly all day and then eat a large dinner and there are days when I eat dark chocolate for breakfast and days when I eat a half of a large pizza (like last night) and I want to share, but...

I've struggled with this blog. Let's be honest, I've struggled with blogging for well over a year now. I even toyed with the idea of not blogging here anymore. And at the sake of seeming full of myself/ungrateful/crazy the attention that this blog generates makes me want to hide under a rock. I didn't know this about myself, well I did, but I like to pretend I'm not as sensitive as I am. Words sting me, and they sting deep. Back when I first starting blogging, I just did it, I represented who I was becoming and I wanted to share my journey. Very few people were reading. No one expected me to be something else.

And then the readers came, more than I ever thought would stop by. And then the companies came too. My inbox filled to the gills- the product reviews, the advice, the appreciation emails and it became too much for me. This blog is not the most popular blog on the internet- that title is usually given to blogs that actually update and have a sense of humor. But, that attention and sometimes negative comments has made me want to hide away and without knowing, that is exactly what I've done.

If I don't blog, no one can comment or criticize what I eat,�or how I live my life.�Eventually the emails will slow down,�and I�the back-log of product reviews will fade away into my�distant past. The truth is, is that I�want to share. The good, the bad, and the ugly, but I need to develop a tougher skin in this process. I'm still learning just like everyone else and for some reason�my web address "my all natural weight loss" lends to make folks think I'm some sort of nutrition expert. I have no idea what I'm doing on most subjects, most of the time. I just do. I'm okay with mistakes and learning from them and moving forward.

I've addressed my sensitivity to others and they� said "just turn off the comments" but�there are those who�are here too, in the�journey, learning and sharing and discussing in this wonderful community who I am thankful for. Those who don't send me emails saying "it is not responsible to eat vegan cookies and pretend that they are healthy"�what?�Are you kidding me?�How did I become the�surgeon general of�healthful living?

What I really think is�this: I think most women have eating disorders. I think most women fear food. I�don't think all skinny people are healthy (a lot�of them eat crap and rarely exercise). I think that�the desire to overeat is a strong beast that is hard to overcome. I believe that food should not be feared, that health can be obtained with beautiful freshly made, sustainable foods even if they have�full-fat cheese, butter or olive oil�in them. I think that too�many women think that low calorie= healthy and�eat shitty tasteless food�as a result. Embrace�olive oil.�If I avoid sugar and flour in excess,�olive oil does not�make me gain weight. Even if I put it on everything. �I believe that counting calories is degrading. I believe that no one should eat less than 1,500 calories a day. I believe exercise is the key to happiness.

This is my blog and I'm taking it back. I do not owe anyone a reason for not updating, I do not owe anyone daily calories or my current weight (which changes as often as I change my underwear), I do not owe anyone common sense on eating cookies or sweets, I do not owe companies product reviews if their products sucked or timely reviews if it did not. This blog does not pay may bills on a regular basis, but the ads sure have helped and I am very grateful for those folks.

Thank you for reading, commenting, emailing and being lovely and supportive. This blog has given me a lot over time and I'm not giving up on it.

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