It wouldn't be a proper Monday without a Paula Abdul reference! Thank you guys so much for your support and kind comments/emails regarding my last entry. It was self-indulgent and needed to be said. I did get one comment suggesting that if I was clear on what diet I was on/goals I wouldn't get these comments and again, if you've been reading for any amount of time you will know that I'm still here because I'm inconsistent. 100%. I'm like this in many aspects of my life, not just weight loss. I am consistent with my bad-habits and over eating.
I'm not a professional in anything. I really don't like the idea of being this one person that plugs in doing the same thing every day to then retire and live the life that I want. It makes me sad, but some people love the structure, control and security. I love cooking and learning about food, I love creating jewelry and pushing myself to get better, I love designing logos and packaging and banners, I love decorating, this is how I am. The book that has helped me to understand this the most calls it "scanning" pre-war it was more important to be "well-rounded" to have many skills and interests, post-war our society grabs hold of specialists and calls someone like me a flake.
With that said,� I've hoped that writing about it here would change that. Maybe I don't take my weight seriously enough, I give myself the option to opt-out when it gets hard. The truth is, to be where I need to be it will take over a year of consistent behavior changes.
The thing that this blog highlights in big neon letters is that I struggle, and the comments here point that out, so I go away when denial sets in. Most people are just like me, they just have their friends and family as an audience. How many of us have declared "I'm dieting!" to family and friends only to see us a couple of months later eat our weight in pecan pie? That's me, 100%.
I know what it takes to lose weight, but�my emotions are completely entangled with food. I can trust myself, I know how to eat in moderation, and I do, but then in the back of my head I know that my old habits are always there to rely on. I can always go get a pint of icecream and eat it in the car.
I truly know deep-down that I will get better. That I will get there. It's just shameful for me to keep hitting the reset button on this blog. Because I do get called out on it, and it's hard to keep coming back with "I've found the answer!" "the new diet!" "the new exercise program!" when it's not about any of that, it's about me. It's about doing it when it's hard, when I'm emotional, when I'm PMSing, when I'm faced with the choice to eat to much or to sit on the couch instead. I'm in a time-continuum loop with losing and gaining and at some point this has to stop.
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